Do you have Emotional Control-Check the Techniques you need!

                                                                                Exercise Emotional Control

            What causes an emotional overreaction? It’s generally prompted by the speaker himself or by something he or she says. For instance, going to an elegant party dressed like a bum might influence the hosts negatively. On the other hand, wearing a high-powered, Wall Street–like suit might put a rural businessperson on the defensive against a supposedly not-to-be-trusted city slicker.

Severe emotional overreaction can also be caused by loaded topics, such as ethnic, racial, religious, or political references. Differences in values, beliefs, attitudes, education, speed of delivery, image, and a host of other factors can cause a disruption in communication.

So, as listeners, we tend to tune out when we see or hear something we don’t like. As a result, we often miss the true substance of what’s being said.

When your emotional reaction begins, you’ll have an almost irresistible tendency to interrupt, to butt in, and to argue. You may feel your pulse speed up, your breathing become more rapid, or your face become flushed. You may lose your train of thought. Once you recognize this negative emotional reaction, you can redirect it with the following techniques:

        First, pause to delay your response or reaction. It’s the tried-and-true approach of counting to ten, or taking in some long, deep breaths. These can really work to calm you down.

A second calming technique: Think about what you have in common with the speaker, rather than focusing on your differences. Maybe you don’t disagree with the person’s motivations—such as raising more money for the school. You just don’t agree with her solutions.

And third, imagine yourself calm and relaxed. Think of a time in your past when you were laid-back, on top of the world, and feeling incredibly great. Visualize that experience as vividly as you can. When you exercise emotional control, you’ll find that active listening is no longer a struggle.

Personal Space-How close do you let people come?

Personal Space-How Far Do You Think It Is?

An aspect of space that we use to communicate with others is air space around us. We assume that this is our personal territory, much like a private air bubble. We feel a proprietary right to this space and resent others entering it unless they are invited. The exact dimensions of these private bubbles vary from culture to culture, but some generalities can be useful in helping us receive and send messages more clearly through the use of this medium.

How many times have you sat next to a stranger on an airplane or in a movie theater and jockeyed for the single armrest between you? Since touching is definitely a personal space violation in our culture, the more aggressive person who is not afraid of touching someone usually wins the territory.

Research in the field of proxemics has revealed that adult American business people have four basic distances of interaction. These are:

Intimate Zone — ranges from actual physical contact to two feet.
Personal Zone — ranges from approximately two-four feet.
Social Zone — extends from nearly four-twelve feet.
Public Zone — stretches from twelve feet away to the limits of hearing and sight.

People are not necessarily conscious of the importance of maintaining these distances until violations occur. How you feel about people entering these different zones depends upon who they are. You might feel quite uncomfortable and resentful if a business associate entered your Intimate or Personal Zone during a conversation. If the person were your spouse, however, you would probably feel quite good, even if he/ she were so close as to touch you.

People can generally be classified into two major proxemic categories–contact and non-contact. According to author Edward Hall, Americans and Northern Europeans typify the non-contact group due to the small amount of touching that takes place during their transactions. On the other hand, Arabs, Latins, and the Mediterranean countries normally use much contact in their conversations. In addition, although Americans are considered a non-contact group in general, there are obviously significant numbers of Americans who are “contact” people.

When these two major patterns of proxemic behavior meet, their interaction normally ends in a clash. The contact people unknowingly get too close or touch the non-contact people. This leads to discomfort, tension, distrust, and misunderstanding between the two. A commonly used example is that of the South American and North American businesspeople interacting at a cocktail party. For the South American, the appropriate zone for interaction is Personal to Intimate and includes frequent touching to make a point. This is about half the distance minus touch that the North American needs to be in his/her comfortable Social Zone. The South American would step closer, and the North American backward, in a strange proxemic dance until both gave up the relationship as a lost cause because of the other’s “cold” or “pushy” behavior.

Contact and non-contact people have conflicting perceptions of each other based solely on their proxemic behavior. The non-contact people are seen as shy, cold, and impolite by the contact people. On the other hand, non-contact people perceive contact people as pushy, aggressive, and impolite. Often people are bewildered by interactions with other persons displaying different proxemic behaviors. When a proxemic violation occurs, a person generally has a feeling that something is not right but may not be able to focus directly on the cause. Attention usually focuses on the other person and why the other person is not behaving in the “proper” manner. Attention may even be focused on yourself, causing you to become self-conscious. In either case, attention shifts to the behavior of the two transactions and away from the conversation at hand and interferes with effective communication.

What is YOUR Silent Message? Are You Sending It During Work Hours?

Sending Out Your Best Silent Message


You make a statement about yourself even before you open your mouth. This is your “silent message,” and it can include everything from your posture to your positiveness. In short, it’s the way you carry yourself, physically, emotionally, and intellectually. Such quiet signals profoundly affect people’s initial perception, or image, of you.


Of course, image isn’t everything-but it is important. As you know by now, doing well in life doesn’t hinge solely on merit and hard work. Image, especially when backed up by strong performance, is a powerful force. And a negative first impression-saying the wrong thing, wearing the wrong clothes, coming across as uncaring or inept-creates roadblocks that can cut off relationships before they get started.


When we meet people we immediately like, we tend to put a positive spin–at least, initially–on everything they say or do. Some call this favorable first impression presence. Others liken it to energy, or aura.


People with a presence, energy, or aura are able to maintain an excitement about themselves that starts with-but usually lasts far beyond-a favorable first impression. Thus, we admire them before we even know much about them, therefore, they possess an enormous advantage in establishing a bond with people.


Here are some other ideas on projecting a positive image:


1. A winning image starts with a good self-image. A good self-image doesn’t follow success-it precedes it, as Robert L. Shook says in his book Winning Images. Someone saddled with a poor self-image may fool some people some of the time, but eventually he’ll fail, unless he comes to grips with his basic self-image.


Get some photographs or videotapes taken of yourself when you feel you’re looking your best and study them carefully. What do you see that you like, or don’t like?

Then ask your best friends for their candid opinions on not only how you look, but how you carry yourself, how you come across verbally, how you come across in terms of knowledge, enthusiasm, sincerity, and integrity, and what your car or house or briefcase or other material goods say about you. Promise you won’t take offense–and don’t!


2. Avoid annoying or distracting habits or mannerisms. Marcia Grad, in her book Charisma: How to Get That Special Magic, calls these distracting habits or mannerisms “charisma  robbers” and includes among them:

¥          Tugging at clothing

¥          Drumming fingers on a table

¥          Tapping pencils or clicking pens

¥          Doodling

¥          Jangling keys or change

¥          Biting nails

¥          Cleaning teeth


Not only do these habits make it more difficult for the other person to hear you; they also detract from your image.


3. Seek winners, spurn losers. Attitudes are contagious! So nurture your emotional well being by choosing friends who genuinely want you to succeed and who encourage you. Also, ask yourself about your surroundings: How’s my house or apartment decorated? What about my office? Is it drab, or energizing?


Read some inspirational and motivational books. Or listen to happy music. (Have you ever heard a mournful banjo tune?) Or make it a point to go to funny movies or watch a TV sitcom that makes you laugh.


Consciously reduce your exposure to the negative, whether it’s gossip from co-workers, violence in the media, or pessimism in your own thoughts.


4. Practice treating everyone as if he or she is the most important person you’ll meet that day. This will mean seeking to replace arrogance with empathy-not an easy task for a lot of people. However, it’s a real test of character, and every once in a while, you’ll learn a big lesson from that “little” person.


5. Make fitness a lifestyle, not a chore. You don’t need an expensive club membership or a cross-country ski machine to maintain a body that exudes vitality. Forget the spandex, stopwatches, and ankle warmers, for instance, and just:

¥          Walk up and down the stairs to your high-rise office or apartment.

¥          Ride a bike to the neighborhood convenience store to pick up that quart of nonfat milk.

¥          Take a nature hike instead of watching a nature film on television.

Tell us, what do you do to project a positive self-image? What is your “silent message?”  Share with us and comment to this blog!

A Winning Image Starts With A Good Self-Image

I have a teacup poodle named Vito. Vito is the size of a toaster, but  every time I take him for a walk, he never fails to pick a fight with some dog ten times his size. It’s  become clear to me that Vito has an image problem – he’s a little dog who thinks he’s a lot bigger than he really is. (Blame me for naming him Vito!)

Many of us, like Vito, carry around a self-image that doesn’t really jive  with the facts. And that can be devastating  to our careers.   After all, how we look in our mind’s eye really determines how successful we can be in dealing with other people. For example, if you have an overly negative self-image –  you feel that you’re too tall, or overweight, or unattractive in some way – you’ll lack confidence, and others will easily catch on. On the other  hand, if you have an overly positive  image of yourself – you think you  look terrific, when in fact you’re a  sloppy dresser who’s badly in need of a haircut – you’ll be blinded by a false sense of confidence  and make decisions, actions, or statements about yourself that might lead  people to question your professionalism…and  even your sanity.

In either case, analysis by yourself – and perhaps by those closest to you – is needed, because your image is important. Luckily, it’s also something you can easily change! To find out how others see  you, get some photographs or videotapes taken of yourself when you feel you’re looking your best. Ask for close-ups  and study them carefully. What do  you see that you like, or don’t like?

Then ask your best friends for their  candid opinions on how you look, how you carry yourself, how you come across
verbally, and what your car or house or briefcase or other material goods say about you. Promise
you won’t take offense – and don’t! Then ask them to tell you about your image in terms of knowledge
and enthusiasm as well as sincerity and integrity.

Now you can use your own and others’ candid analyses to change  aspects of your image that give off  the wrong impression, and walk with your head  held high!