Can You Adjust?

ADJUSTING TO OTHER PEOPLE’S BEHAVIORAL STYLES

 

 

Use the following suggestions to adapt to other people’s behavioral styles.

 

NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT:

 Relaters             How it will affect their personal circumstances

 Thinkers           How they can justify it logically / how it works

 Socializers       How it enhances their status and visibility

 Directors           What it does / by when / what it costs

 

DO IT WITH:

Relaters             Warmth

 Thinkers           Accuracy

 Socializers       Flair

 Directors           Conviction

 

SAVE THEM:

Relaters             Conflict

 Thinkers           Embarrassment

 Socializers       Effort

 Directors           Time

 

                             TO FACILITATE DECISION-MAKING PROVIDE:

 Relaters             Personal service and assurances

 Thinkers           Data and documentation

 Socializers       Testimonials and incentives

 Directors           Options with supporting analysis

 

                             LIKES YOU TO BE:

 Relaters             Pleasant

 Thinkers           Precise

 Socializers       Stimulating

 Directors           To the point

 

                             SUPPORT THEIR:

 Relaters             Feelings

 Thinkers           Procedures

 Socializers       Ideas

 Directors           Goals

 

                             CREATE THIS ENVIRONMENT:

 Relaters             Personal

 Thinkers           Serious

 Socializers       Enthusiastic

 Directors           Businesslike

 

                             MAINTAIN THIS PACE:

 Relaters             Slow/ relaxed

 Thinkers           Slow/ systematic

 Socializers       Fast/ spontaneous

 Directors           Fast/ decisive

 

                             FOCUS ON THIS PRIORITY:

 Relaters             The relationship/ communication

Thinkers           The task/ the process

 Socializers       The relationship/ interaction

 Directors           The task/ the results

 

                             AT PLAY BE:

 Relaters             Casual and cooperative

 Thinkers           Structured/ Play by the rules

Socializers       Spontaneous and playful

Directors           Competitive and aggressive

 

                             USE TIME TO:

 Relaters             Develop the relationship

 Thinkers           Ensure accuracy

Socializers       Enjoy the interaction

Directors           Act efficiently

 

                             WRITE THIS WAY:

 Relaters             Warm and friendly

 Thinkers           Detailed and precise

Socializers       Informal and dramatic

Directors           Short and to the point

 

                             ON THE TELEPHONE BE:

 Relaters             Warm and pleasant

 Thinkers           Businesslike and precise

Socializers       Conversational and playful

Directors           Short and to the point

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Do you have Emotional Control-Check the Techniques you need!

                                                                                Exercise Emotional Control

            What causes an emotional overreaction? It’s generally prompted by the speaker himself or by something he or she says. For instance, going to an elegant party dressed like a bum might influence the hosts negatively. On the other hand, wearing a high-powered, Wall Street–like suit might put a rural businessperson on the defensive against a supposedly not-to-be-trusted city slicker.

Severe emotional overreaction can also be caused by loaded topics, such as ethnic, racial, religious, or political references. Differences in values, beliefs, attitudes, education, speed of delivery, image, and a host of other factors can cause a disruption in communication.

So, as listeners, we tend to tune out when we see or hear something we don’t like. As a result, we often miss the true substance of what’s being said.

When your emotional reaction begins, you’ll have an almost irresistible tendency to interrupt, to butt in, and to argue. You may feel your pulse speed up, your breathing become more rapid, or your face become flushed. You may lose your train of thought. Once you recognize this negative emotional reaction, you can redirect it with the following techniques:

        First, pause to delay your response or reaction. It’s the tried-and-true approach of counting to ten, or taking in some long, deep breaths. These can really work to calm you down.

A second calming technique: Think about what you have in common with the speaker, rather than focusing on your differences. Maybe you don’t disagree with the person’s motivations—such as raising more money for the school. You just don’t agree with her solutions.

And third, imagine yourself calm and relaxed. Think of a time in your past when you were laid-back, on top of the world, and feeling incredibly great. Visualize that experience as vividly as you can. When you exercise emotional control, you’ll find that active listening is no longer a struggle.

Personal Space-How close do you let people come?

Personal Space-How Far Do You Think It Is?

An aspect of space that we use to communicate with others is air space around us. We assume that this is our personal territory, much like a private air bubble. We feel a proprietary right to this space and resent others entering it unless they are invited. The exact dimensions of these private bubbles vary from culture to culture, but some generalities can be useful in helping us receive and send messages more clearly through the use of this medium.

How many times have you sat next to a stranger on an airplane or in a movie theater and jockeyed for the single armrest between you? Since touching is definitely a personal space violation in our culture, the more aggressive person who is not afraid of touching someone usually wins the territory.

Research in the field of proxemics has revealed that adult American business people have four basic distances of interaction. These are:

Intimate Zone — ranges from actual physical contact to two feet.
Personal Zone — ranges from approximately two-four feet.
Social Zone — extends from nearly four-twelve feet.
Public Zone — stretches from twelve feet away to the limits of hearing and sight.

People are not necessarily conscious of the importance of maintaining these distances until violations occur. How you feel about people entering these different zones depends upon who they are. You might feel quite uncomfortable and resentful if a business associate entered your Intimate or Personal Zone during a conversation. If the person were your spouse, however, you would probably feel quite good, even if he/ she were so close as to touch you.

People can generally be classified into two major proxemic categories–contact and non-contact. According to author Edward Hall, Americans and Northern Europeans typify the non-contact group due to the small amount of touching that takes place during their transactions. On the other hand, Arabs, Latins, and the Mediterranean countries normally use much contact in their conversations. In addition, although Americans are considered a non-contact group in general, there are obviously significant numbers of Americans who are “contact” people.

When these two major patterns of proxemic behavior meet, their interaction normally ends in a clash. The contact people unknowingly get too close or touch the non-contact people. This leads to discomfort, tension, distrust, and misunderstanding between the two. A commonly used example is that of the South American and North American businesspeople interacting at a cocktail party. For the South American, the appropriate zone for interaction is Personal to Intimate and includes frequent touching to make a point. This is about half the distance minus touch that the North American needs to be in his/her comfortable Social Zone. The South American would step closer, and the North American backward, in a strange proxemic dance until both gave up the relationship as a lost cause because of the other’s “cold” or “pushy” behavior.

Contact and non-contact people have conflicting perceptions of each other based solely on their proxemic behavior. The non-contact people are seen as shy, cold, and impolite by the contact people. On the other hand, non-contact people perceive contact people as pushy, aggressive, and impolite. Often people are bewildered by interactions with other persons displaying different proxemic behaviors. When a proxemic violation occurs, a person generally has a feeling that something is not right but may not be able to focus directly on the cause. Attention usually focuses on the other person and why the other person is not behaving in the “proper” manner. Attention may even be focused on yourself, causing you to become self-conscious. In either case, attention shifts to the behavior of the two transactions and away from the conversation at hand and interferes with effective communication.

BIG TASKS MADE SMALLER-YOU CAN WORK IT OUT!

MAKING BIG TASKS SMALLER
A great trick for reaching your goals is knowing how to break large tasks into smaller ones. Or, as is sometimes said, you can eat an elephant, but only by taking one bite at a time.

I use the word chunking to describe this process. For instance, when I landed a contract to write my first book, Non-Manipulative Selling, I had six months to write it. On my “To Do” list every day of those six months was: Write book.

Six months went by, no book. The publisher gave me another three months. For three more months Write book appeared daily on my “To Do” list. Still no book. Finally, the publisher gave me a final three months, or else I’d lose the contract.

Fortunately, Karl Albrecht, author of Service America, gave me the concept of “chunking.” He asked me how many pages I had to write. Answer: 180. How many days to write it? Answer: 90. So he told me that every day my “To Do” list should contain this note: Write 2 pages of book. I must write two pages. If I got on a roll, I could write four or five. But the next day, I still had to write a minimum of two. By following his advice, I finished the book in thirty days!

A final technique for managing your goals comes from Dr. John Lee, author, speaker, and time-management expert. He says when a new task pops up, or an old one resurfaces, apply one of the four D’s: Drop it , Delegate it , Delay it , or Do it . Consciously choosing one of those strategies every time you face a task will keep things progressing smoothly.

The Thought Diet-What is it? How can it help Me?

THE THOUGHT DIET

The thought diet, developed by my friend and colleague Jim Cathcart, is a tool that you can use on a daily basis to help you become the person who will achieve your goals. It breaks down goals into daily actions that are bite-size and easy to do. By showing you the steps along the way, the thought diet will keep you from being overwhelmed by your lofty goals.

Thought Diet Action Plan

On your though diet card, write out the “minimum daily standards” which you will perform every day to move you closer to your goal. Be specific.

The following are some examples of minimum daily standards:

• Mental: I will spend 15 minutes every evening doing visualization exercises.
• Physical: I will do at least five push-ups and ten sit-ups every morning.
• Professional: I will read something related to my career for at least 15 minutes before going to bed.
• Financial: I will keep a complete record of every expense and financial transaction.
• Spiritual: Each day I will do a good deed to help someone less fortunate than I.
• Family: I will relax over dinner and enjoy a meaningful uninterrupted conversation with my family.
• Social: I will take time during my coffee breaks in the office to chat with co-workers.

Inspiration and Motivation

Read the thought diet card twice a day until everything becomes a habit. Once you’ve developed constructive habits, you can move on to new goals and behaviors. Fill out a new card and practice the new challenges every day until they become habits. In this way, you will painlessly move closer and closer to your goals.

Do You Put Off Doing Things? Are you a Procrastinator?

Procrastination is NOT for everyone!

“Don’t put off for tomorrow what you can do today” (My Mother – ever since I can remember).

Procrastination is like a virus. It creeps up on you slowly, drains you of energy, and is difficult to get rid of if your resistance is low. Procrastination is a close relative of incompetence and a first cousin to inefficiency, which is why their marriage is taboo. These suggestions will help you conquer the virus:

1. Give yourself deadlines. In moderation, pressure motivates. Extreme pressure debilitates. Set appointments, make commitments, write out your goals, and otherwise develop the determination to succeed.

2. Don’t duck the difficult problems. Every day we are faced with both difficult and easy tasks. Tackle the difficult ones first so that you can look forward to the easy ones. If you work on the easy ones first, you might expand the time that they take in order to avoid the difficult ones waiting for you.

Many people put off difficult or large tasks because they appear too huge to tackle in a reasonable time frame. They feel that if they start and complete the “large” task at one sitting, it will prevent them from accomplishing any of the other tasks they have to do on that day. The answer to this problem is to break all large or difficult tasks into their smaller subparts. Then, you can do each of the subparts of the larger project over a series of days, if appropriate.

3. Don’t let perfectionism paralyze you. This is a problem which many writers have when writing articles or books. They sit with pad and pen in hand waiting for the “right” words to come out. What they are doing is avoiding the process of writing. Be prolific in your activities. You can always go back later and polish those things you’re unhappy with. Better yet, you can delegate the polishing to someone else.

Because humans are so susceptible to procrastination, you must work at building up your immunity to it. Effective action is the best medicine.