Anatomy of a Whiner

As by now I’m sure you know from reading these tips, flexibility is one of the most important characteristics that you can develop in order to ensure success in your business and personal lives. However, another attribute that belies flexibility is discontent. I’m talking about someone who’s just never positive or completely happy about anything – the nay-sayers and the fault-finders – who’ve decided that their mission in life is to tell you the glass is half-empty, in case you missed it. In more vernacular terms, this person is called a complainer, a whiner, a wet blanket.

One possible reason for this type of inflexible behavior is that the person has set high standards for him or herself and no one, including the person herself, measures up. They pride themselves on being able to analyze things critically, to bring a discerning eye to the table. But someone whose primary response is fault-finding, who seems discontented with almost everything, will get little cooperation and respect from others.

If you think that there’s a fault-finder lurking within your personality, ask some people close to you who’ll give you honest feedback. If your suspicions are confirmed – Yes, you can be a wet blanket at times – Yes, people are afraid to share their tentative ideas with you for fear of getting them picked apart – then let me give you a couple of tips.

First, develop the habit of saying something positive before you say anything negative. You’ll have to make a conscious effort at first if your tendency is to just point out flaws. But if you really do think to yourself “say something positive” before you open your mouth, eventually it’ll become a habit. Sometimes you may have to really stretch to find something good to say. But again, I’m stressing that the way you engage, and the way you communicate is every bit as important as the gist of what you say.

Starting with the negative often stops the flow of a process. If you’re willing to be flexible about how you present your feedback, other people will be much more open to sharing your high standards.

About Assessment Business Center
Dr. Tony Alessandra has a street-wise, college-smart perspective on business, having been raised in the housing projects of NYC to eventually realizing success as a graduate professor of marketing, entrepreneur, business author, and hall-of-fame keynote speaker. He earned a BBA from the Univ. of Notre Dame, an MBA from the Univ. of Connecticut and his PhD in marketing from Georgia State University. In addition to being president of Assessment Business Center, a company that offers online 360º assessments, Tony is also a founding partner in The Cyrano Group and Platinum Rule Group--companies which have successfully combined cutting-edge technology and proven psychology to give salespeople the ability to build and maintain positive relationships with hundreds of clients and prospects. Dr. Alessandra is a prolific author with 27 books translated into over 50 foreign language editions, including the newly revised, best selling The NEW Art of Managing People (Free Press/Simon & Schuster, 2008); Charisma (Warner Books, 1998); The Platinum Rule (Warner Books, 1996); Collaborative Selling (John Wiley & Sons, 1993); and Communicating at Work (Fireside/Simon & Schuster, 1993). He is featured in over 50 audio/video programs and films, including Relationship Strategies (American Media); The Dynamics of Effective Listening (Nightingale-Conant); and Non-Manipulative Selling (Walt Disney). He is also the originator of the internationally-recognized behavioral style assessment tool - The Platinum Rule®. Recognized by Meetings & Conventions Magazine as "one of America's most electrifying speakers," Dr. Alessandra was inducted into the Speakers Hall of Fame in 1985. In 2009, he was inducted as one of the “Legends of the Speaking Profession,” in 2010 and 2011 he was selected as one of the Top 5 Marketing Speakers by, and in 2010 Tony was elected into the inaugural class of the Sales Hall of Fame. Tony's polished style, powerful message, and proven ability as a consummate business strategist consistently earn rave reviews and loyal clients. Contact information for Dr. Tony Alessandra: • Dr. Tony’s Products: • Keynote Speeches: Holli Catchpole: Phone: 1-760-603-8110 ● Email: • Corporate Training: Scott Zimmerman: Phone: 1-330-848-0444 x2 ● Email: • Cyrano CRM System: Scott Zimmerman: Phone: 1-330-848-0444 x2 ● Email:

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: