“Ambiguous” means having several possible meanings, interpretations or outcomes. Some people don’t like ambiguous situations where new variables can pop up any time, or where novel outcomes emerge rather than being designed from the beginning. It has to be either/or. One way or the other. They get nervous in the face of the unknown. They’ll say: “Let’s nail this down.” “Let’s choose one and go for it,” way before an idea has been fully developed. At some point that approach may be necessary. But rigid people like to get closure on one meaning, one interpretation, one outcome, as early as possible. And often that approach leaves out the contributions of other people. It certainly leaves out the possibility of novelty and serendipity.

We’re all being asked to tolerate more ambiguity these days. Technology is changing the nature of the work we do, or in some cases, whether we have any work to do. For the past 20+ years we’ve been experiencing tremendous ambiguity in gender roles – what it means to be a man, what it means to be a woman.

If you’re in a role of leadership or responsibility, there’s no doubt you must make room for surprises and uncertain outcomes. Imagine being told in 1962 that the Soviets had nuclear missiles positioned on Cuba aimed at the United States, and that they might fire them, or they might not. John F. Kennedy faced that ambiguity. Imagine yourself on March 9, 1965, leading several thousand demonstrators in a march for civil rights in Selma, Alabama, where only two days earlier, hundreds of people had been beaten and attacked by police dogs for doing the same thing. Martin Luther King, Jr. faced a very ambiguous situation.

Fortunately, most of us don’t have to deal with THAT level of uncertainty. If you’re a person who has trouble dealing with ambiguity, you like to do routine things with familiar people who behave in traditional ways. Changes and surprises make you uncomfortable because they alter the routine.

If you recognize yourself in this discussion and feel that developing a greater tolerance for ambiguity would allow you the flexibility you’d like to have, here are some tips. Begin to stretch yourself a bit by taking on different duties and activities beyond your comfort level.

In other words, consciously introduce some novelty and ambiguity into your life.

1. Avoid doing things the same way every time.
2. Realize that there’s almost always more than one way to accomplish a task.
3. When you encounter a situation that has several possible outcomes, don’t try to avoid it.
4. Take the time to consider each possible outcome, from the most optimistic to the most pessimistic.

Tell us, how do you deal with ambiguity?

I think it’s easy to see why someone who has the power to imagine, to be creative, to posit alternatives in a coherent way that others can understand, is going to be more influential than someone who can’t. There’s been a lot of discussion and refinement of the notion of “vision” in the past ten years or so. A vision is your picture of a desired state of affairs at some point in the future. A vision provides a way for people to agree on goals and how they’ll be met. With so much change going on, it’s become more and more necessary to envision the way we’d like things to be. Without a vision, we get lost in the trivia of daily life, or swamped by the feeling of being out of control. Let’s imagine there are 3 people looking at an open field just outside the city limits.

• One person sees a baseball diamond for kids to play on.
• Another sees a mini-mall with convenient little shops to stop at on the way home to the suburbs.
• The third person sees the perfect place for low-income housing.

Those 3 are very different visions. Yet, assuming that this plot of land is waiting to be developed, someone’s vision will win out.

My point is, nothing happens without a vision to guide the way. We all have visions. They’re usually born from some need. You have books and papers lying all over the floor, and you envision a nice new bookcase against the wall.

You can see that your mail room personnel are very busy at certain times of the day, and at other times they’re all sitting around telling jokes. So you envision a system where their work is scheduled in a much more productive way.

When the senior management at the Steelcase Furniture Company in Grand Rapids, Michigan, decided to reorganize their company, they began with a vision of a company where everyone’s talents and energies were fully engaged. They decided that the traditional corporate building they were in wouldn’t allow for that, so they envisioned a flat, spacious headquarters. Construction on the Corporate Development Center began in 1986. When it opened in 1989 it had seven levels with large areas where multi-discipline teams could meet. There were no separate departments for different functions. Executives are clustered around the center of the building where everyone has easy access to them. And there’s even an escalator so people can talk to each other while changing floors. What’s important to note is that the Steelcase’s Corporate Development Center began with a vision of how they wanted things to be.

How would you go about developing a vision that would be attractive to other people? Here’s the starting point: “What-if” questions. “What-if questions get your imagination and thinking going. One thing that all creative thinkers know is that you don’t limit yourself at this first stage. Don’t assume any rules or limitations. Don’t say: “What if we could pull off this project with only 4 people,” and then immediately stop yourself by saying: “No, that’s stupid. It’ll never work.” In A Whack on the Side of the Head, Roger von Oech suggests you start the juices flowing by asking yourself: “What if gravity stopped for one second every day?” What would happen to oceans and rivers? How would houses be designed? What would happen if you were eating an ice cream cone during that one second?

That’s a great example of suspending the rules and allowing yourself to play in the realm of the possible. Von Oech calls it “getting into a germinal frame of mind.” That’s like a garden bed with rich, black dirt where seeds get a good start on germination. What-if questions allow you to free yourself from deeply ingrained assumptions you have about how things are usually done.

Von Oech also addresses the issue of the impractical. Sure, a lot of your early “what-if” speculations are going to be utterly impractical. But embedded within the impractical is often a seed of practicality. He cites one example where an engineer at a large chemical company did a “what-if by suggesting that they mix gunpowder into their paint products. Then when the surface needed repainting, they could blow the old paint off of it.

Now that’s not very practical. But it did open up the idea of having something within the paint that allowed for it to be removed easily. The engineer’s what-if question opened up everyone’s thinking about putting additives in the paint. One additive would be in the paint when you bought it. It would be inert until another substance was spread on the surface. When the two chemicals interacted – bingo (!) the paint would come off easily. The company went to work on making that vision a reality.

Again, the point is stopping your critical judge from coming in too early on the process. The part of each of us that says: “That’ll never work,” is always present, ready to speak up. Let the creative, innovative visionary in you come out and play.

Visions are born for all sorts of reasons: to make money, to end a problem, to improve a situation, to create an alternative, to have more fun. Some people have visions where other people see only problems or nothing at all.

What would you build on that empty field outside of town? Let’s help each other this year-what’s your vision? Share and we’ll pass along a gift to the first 10 who do!

Unreasonable risk-takers are individuals who tend to over-emphasize the resources they have available or can acquire to accomplish their objectives. Or, they’re people who under-emphasize the barriers that are likely to get in their way.

There’s been a lot of emphasis in the past decade or so on risk-taking as a positive trait of high achieving individuals. Most corporate environments don’t encourage risk-taking. Neither do government bureaucracies. So “unreasonable risk-taking” might not seem like much of a problem, except that we’re talking about increasing power and influence with others. That demands that you take risks, provide leadership, and create visions for others. So risk-taking comes with the territory of adaptability.

This is just a note of caution to take reasonable risks. Psychologist David McClelland and others who have researched high achievers say the most successful individuals take moderate risks which have a 30 percent to 70 percent chance of being accomplished. Taking a risk on something that has less than a 30 percent chance of success is considered reckless behavior rather than reasonable risk taking. This is especially true if you’re risking the resources of other people in the process.

Accomplishing something, which has over 70 percent chance of success, is essentially not taking a risk in the first place. Assessing risk involves both looking at what positive factors are in the plan, as well as the negative factors that stand to get in the way. There’s usually no way to do an ironclad assessment of a plan. Oftentimes the factor that weights the balance in one direction or the other is the person taking the risk. How much follow-through do you have? How much energy are you going to bring to the enterprise? If the going gets tough, can you count on yourself to keep going?

A great majority of businesses begun by individuals in this country fail within the first 5 years. Starting a new business is always a risk, but a good business plan upfront will help assess the chances for success. According to Michael Gerber, who runs a nationwide training company for fledgling entrepreneurs, the number one reason for the failure of startup businesses is under-estimation of the resources it takes to keep a business going. Under-estimate of the capital required, under-estimate of the time it takes, and under-estimate of the expertise it takes to run your own business. Yet every year, hundreds of thousands of people hang out their sign, print their business cards and wait for their first customer or client.

And the good news is that tens of thousands of those businesses do succeed. Because they’ve taken a reasonable risk.

If you can’t understand this one, you’re pretty stupid… See what I mean? Most of us know better than to call other people names and insult their intelligence. Being assertive about our opinions and beliefs is fine, but at some point, assertiveness crosses over into bluntness. And that means you haven’t taken the other person’s feelings into account.

Find out if bluntness is a problem for you. To do that, simply ask five of the people closest to you at home and at work something like: “Do I come across as too blunt sometimes?” “Do I say things that hurt other people’s feelings without realizing it?” If you get back some “yes” answers, then you need to pay attention to the ways you communicate. Any one of several things can make your communication hurtful when you don’t intend it. One is obviously your choice of words. Another is the tone of your voice. The words can be fine, but the tone conveys hostility. How would you feel if someone said to you: “That’s a great piece of work.” [said flatly with a slight edge of sarcasm -- could be taken as positive or negative]

Many people don’t realize that their tone is gruff or negative sounding. One way to tell is to tape record yourself having a phone conversation. Tape your end of it and play it back. Make sure it’s a substantive conversation where you can really hear yourself speaking at length, preferably to someone you’re not trying to impress. Listen to the tape carefully; pretend it’s someone else. How does this person sound to you? Friendly? Matter-of-fact? Or is there an edge in the voice that’s unfriendly?

Hearing what we sound like to other people can sometimes be a revelation. If there’s a hostile edge to your voice, then you’ll need to consciously modify your tone. That’ll take time – weeks, maybe even months. But nationally recognized speech consultant, Carol Fleming, in her audio program, The Sound of Your Voice, says it can be done, if you’re willing to put in the conscious effort. Modifying the sound of your voice may be the single most important thing you can do to improve the first impression you make on people, after your appearance. One woman I know was told by Dr. Fleming that she pushed the pitch of her voice down [Say next part in lower pitch] in order to sound more authoritative. The woman had to consciously work at allowing her voice to find its natural pitch. It took several months of effort, but it made her speaking voice sound more alive and musical.

In general, overcoming bluntness in your communication style means becoming more aware of other people’s feelings. The more you can do that, the more successful you’ll be in developing satisfying relationships. If you have a tendency toward being authoritarian, you can work on recognizing when it’s appropriate to back off. If you listen more to other people’s opinions, ideas and concerns, you’re less apt to express your own in a blunt way.

A kindergarten teacher asked a student what she was drawing. “I’m drawing a picture of God,” the child quickly answered.

“But, sweetheart,” said the teacher, “no one knows what God looks like.”

“They will in a minute!” the child replied, according to a story told by Sheila Murray Bethel in her book Making a Difference.

Charismatic people possess a similar, almost childlike faith in their vision and their ability to create change. People will follow leaders whose vision inspires them and makes their lives more meaningful.

What do you feel passionately about? What do you care really deeply about? Whatever your objective-whether it’s ending world hunger or ensuring better care for stray animals-you’ll never influence anyone to change their ideas or take action if you don’t feel strongly about it yourself.

In fact, having a strong, compelling vision will go a long way toward compensating for a lack of some other charismatic attributes. Einstein, for example, or Eleanor Roosevelt, or Bill Gates, whom I mentioned earlier, aren’t people who immediately leap to mind as being as dashing or debonair as stereotypically “charismatic” leaders.

But their strong ideas or vision may have more than made up for other shortcomings. (Have you heard the computer-industry joke? “What do you call a nerd fifteen years from now?” The answer: “Boss.”) Their vision, it can be argued, transformed them into charismatic leaders. The strength of their ideas, and the passion with which they held them, gave them a different brand of personal magnetism. Warren Bennis, author of the best-selling book Leaders, says that being able to articulate your vision in a way that’s easily understood, desirable, and energizing is the spark of leadership genius.

Here are some other ideas Expanding Your Vision and Ideas:

1. Listen to your yearnings. Don’t dismiss your daydreams, or for that matter, your nocturnal dreams either. They may be signals from your mind and body of some unconscious attraction. What’s important is what’s important to you personally.

Sometimes it’s helpful to recall your childhood or youth. What propelled your dreams back then? Where did your imagination take you? What most influenced you?

And it’s not just the fun or fanciful moments you should recall. If you were poor, maybe helping others escape poverty could be your mission as an adult. If you were abused, maybe abuse prevention is an area where, in your heart of hearts, you would like to make a difference.

2. Seek feedback. “Unfortunately,” said Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, “most people would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.” But getting others to give you honest, constructive feedback may help put your mission and your goals in perspective. They may uncover a diamond you thought was just a pebble, thus sending you off in a better direction.

3. Focus on your strengths. You may have heard the adage “Don’t try to teach a pig to sing-it wastes your time and annoys the pig.” Too often we try to force ourselves to become detail people when we’re not, or to climb the management ranks when what we enjoy and excel at is the rank-and-file work. Ask yourself: What am I really good at? What do I most enjoy? And think about a mission and goals related to those answers.

4. Deal with distractions. On the route to achieving your dream, you’ll find change, risk, surprise, stress, and perhaps even failure. But if you’re committed, you’ll adapt.

5. Do it! “The best way to predict your future,” says management guru Peter F. Drucker, “is to create it.” Once you know your mission and goals, that’s the time to get down to doing it.

It’s so in every field of endeavor. Writers must sit down and write; salespeople must sell; managers must manage; and painters must paint. Too often, though, people are locked into habits that prevent them from moving ahead. They relive yesterdays, they invent excuses, they procrastinate, and they doodle in the margins of life’s tablet instead of seeking to write their signature boldly. So don’t give up on your dreams but, instead, pursue them with passion.

 Note from Author:  This is the final article in my series on Charisma.  A new series will start right after the holidays. If you have a particular subject you would like me to write about in the future, just comment. My best to all of you for a safe, peaceful holiday and a new year full of the best possible you!

On the second day of a two-day seminar, and you walk into the conference room with its scores of chairs, and someone has the nerve to be sitting in your seat, the one you had occupied only yesterday! Of course, you know you have no claim on that chair. But still, you feel a slight pang of pain that someone took “your” seat!

Or you show up promptly for your 2:45 P.M. doctor’s appointment. But after flipping through old magazines for fifteen minutes, you start glaring at the clock and thinking how this doctor probably purposely schedules patients too close together just to maximize income. Doesn’t he know you have a job? What, you ask yourself, would happen if you charged him at his rate for the time of yours he wastes?

Use of space and time, indeed, sends important signals. For example, if you violate others’ physical comfort zone by, say, standing too close to them or touching them when you shouldn’t, you may offend them and cause tension. Similarly, if you abuse another person’s sense of time-by being too late or too early, for example, or by leaving too quickly or staying too long-you can negatively affect the relationship. How you honor or violate another person’s personal space and time will affect the amount of tension or trust between you.

Here are some ideas about how you might use space and time to increase your effectiveness:

1. Signal your time shifts. What if you had a friend who for years called you about once a week, and then, suddenly, stopped calling? You’d wonder whether you had said or done something to offend.

The point is, because we tend to read messages into time changes, it’s important to signal others when our time priorities change. This will keep others from making the wrong assumptions about your priorities.

2. Learn to say no. Because of the need to please, the fear of offending, or other emotion-laden reasons, we sometimes undercut our own priorities and undervalue our own time. So we say yes first and regret it later as we let others squander our time.  Above all, keep your own priorities firmly in mind.

3. Start using your office proactively as a tool. Close the door when you invite someone in, even if it’s just for an informal chat. They’ll feel more important, and you ward off most interruptions. Don’t answer your telephone, reply to E-mail, or attend to other such tasks when you have someone with you. It’s rude and sends the message that you don’t care what the other person is saying.

Similarly, how you arrange your office furniture affects your visitor. If you sit in your chair behind your desk, there’s a barrier between you and them, signaling a short superior-subordinate interaction. If you want a more informal, relaxed, one-on-one atmosphere, sit closer to the visitor, without the barrier of a desk.

4. Learn to manage interruptions. The telephone is one of the biggest time wasters. There are several strategies for dealing with interrupting phone calls, such as call screening, voice mail, and the like. But perhaps the simplest solution is to put a three-minute egg timer on your desk. When the sand runs out, you know to call a halt diplomatically to all but the most critical of calls.

An open-door policy is fine, but it can destroy your efficiency if taken too far. So, arrange your office so you aren’t readily visible and thus a target for people passing by with time on their hands.

5. Honor space and time in the “virtual office,” too. With so much work now being done via electronic formats, it’s easy to forget how many of the same tenets of time and space apply. Be sure to start or enter teleconferences promptly, not late. If you E-mail requests to colleagues, tell them how urgently you need the answer, or whether a reply is needed at all.

Because you may just be sending and receiving typed messages on a computer screen, be especially mindful of your “table manners.” So think how others will likely receive your message before you launch it into cyberspace.